1945

and they're probably going to, to i don't know, french kiss or something

That said:

Hello. Welcome back. How's your vacation? We need to talk. I have often wondered if you and I have anything left to say, and on good days, I cross my fingers and hope we do. Is this odd? I have decided, somewhat hesitantly, yes, on both counts. Most importantly: since you're back in town for a few days, we should divvy up the territory.

Utah is yours, of course. I'll take Montana, if you don't mind, and Washington, too, since I still go to school here. I want California, but I'm sure you do, too; I've got family there, but I guess you can have it, and Oregon, too. You can have most of the country, honestly. Can New York be neutral territory? Maybe California should be neutral. But that might be a bit too big of a risk. We can talk that over.

You can have London and Rome; if you want to go back to India sometime, you can have that, too. I want either Paris or Venice; we can talk about that one, too. I really, really want China, but I know it's huge; if you don't like that, I'd be able to live with Shanghai, Xian, Guilin, Beijing, and Guangzhou; they're the most important to me, and I really don't want to compromise on that; I hope you understand. But I'm sure you'd hate it there. Incidentally, I don't remember, did you ever say you wanted to go very far abroad? I do, but I figure I could live a pretty okay life with the places I've listed. The rest is yours--I guess not a whole lot has changed, in that respect. But just in case--and I admit, this is more for my benefit than yours--we should hold renegotiations every, say, seven years? In case you get bored of the world.

Oh, I'm sorry. Yes. I missed you. I do not do so well when I have to lose a friend. I miss you.

Now get off my side.