A pair of items which I will discuss with great brevity, unlike this title, which is rather long, unwieldy, and uncatchy.

Dear parking lot neighbor,

Hi! I don't know if you remember me. You parked your car next to mine today.

I couldn't help but notice that you parked a little close to my car--indeed, it seems as though you had parked across the line, which is not such a great thing. I do not mind if you park on the line--I will frown a little and maybe go tsk, but I will not spend ten minutes trying to shove your car away from mine while bellowing obscenities. Nor will I have to fold my side mirror in, so that I can back out without hitting your side mirror.

Please rectify the part of your brain which makes you do this. Thanks for your time!

Sincerely,
e


Overheard in the lunchroom:

Girl 1: "So, hey, how'd your date with T____ go?"
Girl 2: [here follows a sundry list of activities]
G1: "That's good. Hey, I was wondering, have you fucked him yet?"
G2: "Not yet."
G1: "Because I was thinking, where could you do it?"
G2: "Home would be best."
G1: "Ugh. But what if your parents walked in? School, I think, would be more private."
G2: "So I should use a bathroom stall or something?"
G1: "Yeah."
G2: "I can manage that."

I don't know about anywhere else, but we're pretty classy in Montana.*

* If I didn't know better, I'd assume they were talking about it just to spite me. Spite.